


Alphabet

by Nazmuko



Series: Well you ain't no rose but potatoes flower, too [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, F/M, Flirting, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-23 10:46:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16157456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazmuko/pseuds/Nazmuko
Summary: Our favorite agents are investigating a strange phenomena on a singles' cruise and it's making Mulder really up his flirting game. He has a tough audience, though. Just a silly little ficlet with some harmless UST-flirting, season 5-ish.





	Alphabet

**Author's Note:**

> The thing that inspired me to write this silly little thing was a twitter thread full of cheesy pick-up lines (check the series notes for more info). I'm hoping to write several individual stories around the same idea, hence the series. No beta and English is not my first language so I apologize for any and all mistakes.

Scully was sorting through her notes in the small conference room the cruise line had generously offered in their use, when she heard Mulder walk into the room. Soon enough the man was standing right behind her left shoulder, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

She turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow as he sat down next to her, a smug smile on his face.

"Now I know why your dating life is even sadder than mine, Mulder."

He put his hand over his heart. "You wound me, Scully. I'm trying my best here. You're just a tough audience."

She turned back to her notes, shaking her head, to hide the little smile on her lips.

"There's no X-file here, Mulder. It's a cruise for single people looking for love. People are falling in love. I don't see how that's scandalous enough to justify us taking a _chopper_ out here to investigate because this simply couldn't wait for one more day when the ship is in harbor."

"Ah, but the ship only docks for twelve hours and it might not be enough for our investigation. This way we got an extra day to figure this out."

"I'm not looking forward to explaining the expenses to Skinner."

"Oh, his head is going do that thing where it turns all red from the yelling." He gestured with his hands how the redness starts on the neck and slowly climbs upwards all the way to the bald top of their boss' head, and Scully had to admit she had seen it happen a time or two. Unsurprisingly it always had something to do with Mulder.

"Don't worry about it, Scully. I'll take all the blame. But just admit it, you've always wanted a government paid ride in a chopper. Definitely beats flying commercial."

"May I remind you of the nine hours of commercial airlines and horrible airport coffee before the twenty-eight minute chopper ride?"

"Were you keeping track because you didn't want it to end or because you couldn't wait it to end?"

Before Scully could come up with a dirty enough comeback, and she desperately tried to find one just to throw him off-balance, Mulder interrupted her with a _stop_ hand signal.

"Don't answer that. To get back to the case... Yes people are falling in love but they're falling in love with the _wrong_ people."

"Mulder..." she sighed. "Even if that were true, you can't blame people's bad judgment on a supernatural phenomena."

"But it's happening all over the place, according to the guy who reported it. And the staff agreed there's something off about the mood of the cruise compared to the previous ones."

"What we're dealing with is a man who feels entitled to a woman's attention after a drink and a horrible pick-up line." She gave him a pointed glance. "No wonder the mood seems off when there's someone on board who can't take no for an answer. Actually, he's taking it to a whole new level because he called _an FBI agent_ to investigate why women don't like him. Because it's not him. It can't possibly be  _him._ So it must be an X-file." She was fuming. At the audacity of that asshole who made the call to begin with, at her partner for taking him seriously and pulling her out of bed at four on a Saturday morning, and most of all at herself for saying yes. Actually, no.  Most of all she was mad at Mulder. It was all his fault after all.

"I don't feel entitled to your attention, Scully."

She heaved a sigh and rubbed her temples, willing herself to take a couple of deep breaths before exploding at her partner for ignoring everything she just said.

"Actually I feel honored to receive your attention despite my obvious flaws."

"We're only here for the sun and the chopper ride, aren't we?" she asked, a little more edge in her voice than she intended but nowhere near as much as he deserved. The man didn't reply anything. "You can't honestly believe this is an X-file."

Mulder met her gaze when she turned to look at him, expecting a reaction, and he decided to drop the act. "Nah," he admitted with a little shrug and started to play with a pen he picked from the table to avoid eye contact. "The guy sounded like a dick on the phone. I figured we'd be doing the ladies on this cruise a favor by getting him back to the shore for questioning. Perhaps a little delay so that he'd miss the departure."

It was the sweetest thing she could remember him doing, but then she remembered where they were and what it took to get them there.

"I have to admit I appreciate the sentiment, but you just spent thousands of dollars of tax payer money to throw a creep off of a cruise ship," she reminded him. "Just for a mini cruise and an odd chance of seeing me in a bikini. Which I left at home, by the way."

"Well I had to be  _sure_ , didn't I? For all we know it could have been some kind of virus or a curse spreading. In which case it would have been crucial to catch it before the ship docks and the infection spreads."

"You made me interview thirteen people today," Scully said and turned to look at him, arms crossed.

"Yes?"

"And ask them crazy questions about fever and witchcraft and oddly colored love potions. Funny enough they have a special drink list full of those which didn't really help."

"Ah, but at least it made you look less crazy."

"Mulder..." she sighed. "You owe me dinner for putting me through that."

"As a matter of fact, I have a table reservation for us in an hour and a half," he said and got up. "That's why I came to find you, actually."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. I was also wondering if I may I interest you in a dance afterwards?" He leaned in to whisper the next part in her ear again like he was letting her in on a big secret. "They have mistletoes hanging all over the dance floor."

"It's August," she huffed as she pushed her chair back and got up.

Mulder simply shrugged, all innocent.

"So they're getting an early start. No harm in being enthusiastic about the holiday cheer, is there? Shall we?" He offered his arm to her and with a roll of her eyes Scully linked arms with him and let him guide them towards their cabins that were just down the corridor.

"I'll see you in an hour, Mulder," she told him when they reached her cabin.

"I'll pick you up."

"That's very chivalrous of you," she said with a smile. "Can't have a lady get lost on her way to the other end of the deck, can we?"

"Don't mock me when I'm trying to be a gentleman, Scully."

She chuckled and patted his chest. "I'll see you in an hour, Mulder."

The door had almost closed behind her when Scully turned around and pulled it open again.

"Mulder?" she called out into the corridor and sure enough his head peeked from the doorway a few cabins ahead.

"Yeah?"

"Our alphabet got reorganized the moment I walked into that basement of yours."

She could hear his chuckle as she closed the door behind her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a little note, no matter how small. 
> 
> I have one more ficlet well underway and I'm hoping to write several more for this series but we shall see. To be honest it depends on the feedback I get for this one because silly oneshots don't exactly fall inside my comfort zone. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


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